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Snarknado 1 - Why the top 25 sucks

whiteyc_77

The Skeleton Debator
Mod Alumni
This part of the board is dead. Let's see if we can have some fun and rip off an idea from @Brick favorite writer, Ma'Gary. I'm going to explain why each and every team in the preseason Coaches' Poll top 25 sucks. I'm only on nUtopia during work hours, so I should be able to complete this by the first game in early September. If not, then screw you...it's better than any effort ur putting forward to stimulate conversation. Likely will be random order.

Without further ado, here is the top 25 as voted on by the coaches SID's:
  1. anOSU
  2. TCU
  3. Alabama
  4. Baylor
  5. Oregon
  6. Michigan State
  7. Auburn
  8. Florida State
  9. Georgia
  10. USC
  11. Notre Dame
  12. Klimpson
  13. LSU
  14. UCLA
  15. Ole Miss
  16. Arizona State
  17. Georgia Tech
  18. Wisconsin
  19. Oklahoma
  20. Arkansas
  21. Stanford
  22. Arizona
  23. Missouri
  24. Boise State
  25. Tennessee
-YTC
 
Came in and read Brick and Ma'gary.

XujHL.gif
 

whiteyc_77

The Skeleton Debator
Mod Alumni
Thanks to random.org for supplying the first selection, the Tennessee Volunteers!

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All aboard the hype train! Everyone and their brother is buying into what Butch Jones is doing on Rocky Top. A lot of it has to do with the way they finished the season strong with wins over top foes such as Chattanooga, South Carolina, Kentucky, Vanderbilt and Iowa. Here's why Tennessee sucks:
  • I mean, did you see that list of wins? Who was the best team they beat exactly? An Iowa team that lost to 2-10 Iowa State?
  • Most of the offensive line returns, but it's too bad that they blow. 3.6 YPC and 43 sacks allowed. Not quite Penn State levels of bad, but certainly bad nonetheless.
  • Please tell me more about Josh Dobbs! The great hope of Vol fans everywhere! Sure, he's better than Justin Worley, but who isn't? 9-6 TD/INT ratio. Wow. Much amaze.
  • Have you seen the schedule? They face 5 teams ranked ahead of them, and have 2 loseable non-conference games (Bowling Green and Oklahoma). And that's without even including a trip to Florida, whom the Vols have lost the last 5 times against.
  • Josh Dobbs doesn't have eyebrows.
  • First 7 games: BG, Oklahoma, Western Carolina, @Florida, Arkansas, Georgia, @Alabama.
  • 1st time in 8 years that Jones has a new OC. And he selected Mike DeBord. His last two jobs were getting fired as a TE corch, and, most recently, a "Sports Administrator" for Michigan. To quote Cjones-apedia: "In this role he works with the field hockey, men's and women's cross country, men's and women's gymnastics, men's and women's track and field, and men's and women's tennis programs." Sounds like he's just the man for the job! Holy hell...and fans of Tennessee had the nerve to question Saban when he hired Kiffin.
  • 1-26 versus ranked teams over the last 5 seasons. Wat
  • Von Pearson, AJ Johnson, Michael Williams, a plunger, Riyahd Jones, Marlin Lane...what do all of these things have in common?
  • In the end, it all comes out to 6 losses, 2 moral victories, and another year of "Wait until next year."
-YTC
 

PSUEagle

Well-Known Member
Quick thoughts:

-USC has a ton of top end talent. Their depth should improve as well, enabling Sarkisian to go up tempo more/defense to do better down the stretch of games. Still, this ranking feels too high.

-Clemson and UCLA are too high. The Tigers lost a lot off of that great defense they fielded last season while also having to replace OC Chad Morris. Maybe the new guy they promoted will be fine, but since it's Dabo I'll believe it when I see it. Bruins meanwhile will likely be playing a true freshman QB: that's tough in a really good league no matter how much talent they have otherwise.

-Stanford is underrated. They went 8-5 last year, but they easily could have been 11-2 with a few more breaks. They return 4/5 of their OL along with their stable of TE's, both of which should lead to offensive improvement. Get a little better there and they will compete for the Pac 12 North title IMO.

-It pains me to admit this, but Notre Dame could be underrated and poised for a great year. Lots of returning players, some of which are very good (that Jaylen Smith kid? Oooh Weee!). Also think picking up Mike Sanford from Boise as OC is going to be a nice get: look for the Irish to finally start taking advantage of their Stanford like pool of never ending OL/TE's and run the ball.
 

goblue96

Disney and Curling Expert
Quick thoughts:


-It pains me to admit this, but Notre Dame could be underrated and poised for a great year. Lots of returning players, some of which are very good (that Jaylen Smith kid? Oooh Weee!). Also think picking up Mike Sanford from Boise as OC is going to be a nice get: look for the Irish to finally start taking advantage of their Stanford like pool of never ending OL/TE's and run the ball.

Plus Notre Dame doesn't have any of those shitty B1G teams on their schedule. Hello, Temple and UMass! :thumbsup:
 

Brick

Well-Known Member
Stanford is underrated, I agree. They were a lot better than their record, and a senior QB. Georgia is literally overrated almost every single year, and sometimes by 10+ spots. So of course they're in the top ten. Throw USC in there too with Georgia. No idea what they're doing so high up there.

Really not sure about Oregon. I'd actually be surprised if they beat Michigan State week two. I really hope they don't plan to be nice to Jeff Lockie and start him early in that game and dig a hole Eastern Washington QB can't dig out of. Oregon's schedule is a cakewalk after that though until @ ASU.
 

kella

Low IQ fat ass with depression and anxiety
Staff member
Administrator
Operations
Can someone (@Brick) do a non sarcastic version of this? Am looking for actual educational material, not that I don't appreciate the shtick.
 

kella

Low IQ fat ass with depression and anxiety
Staff member
Administrator
Operations
The only thing Mike DeBord is less qualified for is some GS-14 job with the federal government. I'd be shocked if those weren't competing offers.

They definitely gonna lose to BG. Those MAC teams get up for these early games. If you're BG, this is your whole season.
 

PSUEagle

Well-Known Member
If you want some reasons for optimism RE: UGA, they should be even better defensively after being forced to play a lot of young guys there last season. Pruitt's the real deal at DC: if Grantham actually left voluntarily last offseason Bobby Petrino did Mark Richt a gigantic favor.

The problem for them is going to be on offense, specifically QB. Good chance the starter is either a UVA washout or a true freshman: neither inspires confidence. And for all of the flack they take, Georgia usually had good to great offenses most years under Mike Bobo. Brian Schottenheimer's track record is, uh, less than inspiring. Still, they have the most talent in their division: they should be a good team.

Can't believe Tennessee hired Mike Debord to run their offense. And it's not like Butch Jones is running the show so he's a coordinator in name only. That has the potential to turn out real poorly. Wouldn't be surprised if Kentucky has a better year than them in that league TBH.
 

Brick

Well-Known Member
i couldn't name one starting quarterback in the big xii north SEC east if you put a gun to my head
 

GTfan27

Well-Known Member
Stanford is underrated, I agree. They were a lot better than their record, and a senior QB. Georgia is literally overrated almost every single year, and sometimes by 10+ spots. So of course they're in the top ten. Throw USC in there too with Georgia. No idea what they're doing so high up there.

Really not sure about Oregon. I'd actually be surprised if they beat Michigan State week two. I really hope they don't plan to be nice to Jeff Lockie and start him early in that game and dig a hole Eastern Washington QB can't dig out of. Oregon's schedule is a cakewalk after that though until @ ASU.

Remember that one year that thUGA was ranked preseason number 1 then preceded to lose 4 games?
 

bruin

Well-Known Member
Stanford too low.

All OL back besides Peat. If (big if) Hogan can play like he did the last month of last season, they'll be right there for the conf title.

UCLA about right. It's not 1985 anymore when playing a true frosh is such a big deal. Plus Rosen enrolled in Jan, so he had spring camp. Loaded absolutely everywhere. First year under Mora that the OL will be a strength and have depth. Paul Perkins most underrated back in the country. Led Pac-12 in rushing over Buck Allen, Booker, Freeman, etc. Best DL/Front 7 in Conf (Clark, Vanderdoes, Jack all first rounders). Addition of Bradley as DC and Ulbrich leaving is being forgotten.
 
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bruin228

Well-Known Member
NCAA Moderator
Hope Furd goes 0-12. Put them and Duke bball in the Thunderdome.

SCRAPPY GYM RATS WHO CARE ABOUT ACADEMICS
 

PSUEagle

Well-Known Member
Wasn't Clemson Top 10 preseason in 2012 and 2013? Think they got a lot of hype Boyd's last year before FSU murdered them on their own home field.
 

Lightningwar

Administrator
FSU at #8 is rather silly given our defense is loaded with talent but the DC doesnt know what he is doing. Our entire offensive line is being replaced. Cook is probably not going to make it back. We have a bunch of young talent but nowhere near #8. I'd put us around #15-18. Im optimistic about the season. But I fully expect a few losses and no chance at a playoff spot.
 

Heisman06

Well-Known Member
Oh, we talking Clemson? Let's do it. It was only a matter of time before The Chad left for a head coaching job. Tony Elliott and Jeff Scott have both called plays in spring and regular season games over the past couple of seasons preparing for the inevitable Morris exit. They got off to a good start in their bowl game drubbing of OU. It's obviously a very small sample size that we have to keep an eye on.

And who does Clemson have besides Deshaun Watson, you ask. On offense, Mike Williams is one of the better wide receivers in the ACC and one of the more underrated players in the country. He's a long, rangy player in the mold of Martavais Bryant but with more consistent hands. Proven by this. And this. We also have sophomore Artavis Scott who did this to UNC before almost single-handily beating South Carolina. That's not even mentioning running back Wayne Gallman and 5-star true freshmen Deon Cain and Ray-Ray McCloud once they get their feet under them.

But all is not perfect. There's legitimate reasons for concern. Let's talk about them.

Defense: Lost a lot of key players (Vic Beasley, Grady Jarrett, Stephone Anthony, etc). I think Jarrett might be the hardest to replace. He was also the lowest-drafted one (5th round). Beasley was an absolute freak of a pass-rusher but Shaq Lawson might end up being better than him. Depth is an issue after Obo was arrested and kicked off the team. At LB, Ben Boulware is taking over for Anthony and I couldn't he happier. I liked Anthony, he was great for Clemson. Boulware is just going to be better. He's a tackling machine. Both Boulware and Goodson have starting experience at LB and I don't see a huge drop-off from Anthony/Steward. Carlos Watkins and DJ Reader have experience at DT and both are highly thought of but it's going to be hard to replace Grady in the middle of the defense. He was way undersized but he had that dog in him. He was always relentless.

Offensive line: Lost 4 starters after Battle's late entrance into the supplemental draft. Eric Mac Lain (yes that's how he spells his name) and Joe Gore both have starting experience, although in the case of Gore, it wasn't very impressive. True freshman Mitch Hyatt, a 5-star prospect, looks to take over the LT spot after Battle's departure. Thankfully, Clemson opens with a couple cupcakes this season as opposed to UGA like the last two.

Schedule: I mentioned those early-season cupcakes. After those, Clemson travels to Louisville for a tough Thursday night road game then hosts Notre Dame and Georgia Tech in consecutive weeks. Then you have FSU and the season-ender against SC where anything can happens. Obviously, this isn't an NFL schedule but there's reason for concerns. Potential trap games: @ Miami, @ NC State.

QB depth: Two true freshmen and a walk-on are behind Deshaun Watson. Gulp.

Reasons for optimism

Deshaun Watson: Simply put, he's one of the better players in football when healthy. Has a plethora of weapons around him. Needs offensive line to keep him upright.

Skill position players: It's always a strength of Clemson and this year shall be no different. Williams, Scott and the true freshmen have a chance to leave their mark like the Watkins/Nuk/Martarvais trio did a couple seasons ago.

Brent Venables: He's the best. Maybe not literally but most definitely figuratively (whatever that means in my stoned state of mind). What he has done for the Clemson defense is a miracle. Yeah, he had a lot of good players last season but these were the same young players that were routinely giving up 40+ under Kevin Steele. I think our defense will be fine. They might not be #1 in the nation good like this year but it's not unrealistic to expect another top 10-15 finish. The pieces and coaching is there. All about getting experience and gelling as a unit.

Mackensie Alexander: He blankets receivers and shuts down his side of the field. He will be the best CB to come out of Clemson, IMO.

Summary:

I know it's going to be an uphill battle for Clemson to finish with 10 wins for the 5th consecutive year but it's not unreachable. If Deshaun stays healthy and the defense gels early, it could be a special season. If they don't, it could be an 8-4 type season.
 

Craig7835

Well-Known Member
If you want some reasons for optimism RE: UGA, they should be even better defensively after being forced to play a lot of young guys there last season. Pruitt's the real deal at DC: if Grantham actually left voluntarily last offseason Bobby Petrino did Mark Richt a gigantic favor.

The problem for them is going to be on offense, specifically QB. Good chance the starter is either a UVA washout or a true freshman: neither inspires confidence. And for all of the flack they take, Georgia usually had good to great offenses most years under Mike Bobo. Brian Schottenheimer's track record is, uh, less than inspiring. Still, they have the most talent in their division: they should be a good team.

Can't believe Tennessee hired Mike Debord to run their offense. And it's not like Butch Jones is running the show so he's a coordinator in name only. That has the potential to turn out real poorly. Wouldn't be surprised if Kentucky has a better year than them in that league TBH.

I think Richt should've promoted the TE coach that was serving as OC in their bowl game last season as the permanent OC. I'm not a big fan of Schottenheimer's offense aka Marty Ball 2.0 because it's boring & remedial. I think Georgia will be pretty good this season depending on the offense,but the Pruitt Defense was point. Looking at Florida State's defense last year,you can they miss Pruitt calling the shots
 

DeadMan

aka spiker or DeadMong
Thanks to random.org for supplying the first selection, the Tennessee Volunteers!
All aboard the hype train! Everyone and their brother is buying into what Butch Jones is doing on Rocky Top. A lot of it has to do with the way they finished the season strong with wins over top foes such as Chattanooga, South Carolina, Kentucky, Vanderbilt and Iowa. Here's why Tennessee sucks:
  • I mean, did you see that list of wins? Who was the best team they beat exactly? An Iowa team that lost to 2-10 Iowa State?
  • Most of the offensive line returns, but it's too bad that they blow. 3.6 YPC and 43 sacks allowed. Not quite Penn State levels of bad, but certainly bad nonetheless.
  • Please tell me more about Josh Dobbs! The great hope of Vol fans everywhere! Sure, he's better than Justin Worley, but who isn't? 9-6 TD/INT ratio. Wow. Much amaze.
  • Have you seen the schedule? They face 5 teams ranked ahead of them, and have 2 loseable non-conference games (Bowling Green and Oklahoma). And that's without even including a trip to Florida, whom the Vols have lost the last 5 times against.
  • Josh Dobbs doesn't have eyebrows.
  • First 7 games: BG, Oklahoma, Western Carolina, @Florida, Arkansas, Georgia, @Alabama.
  • 1st time in 8 years that Jones has a new OC. And he selected Mike DeBord. His last two jobs were getting fired as a TE corch, and, most recently, a "Sports Administrator" for Michigan. To quote Cjones-apedia: "In this role he works with the field hockey, men's and women's cross country, men's and women's gymnastics, men's and women's track and field, and men's and women's tennis programs." Sounds like he's just the man for the job! Holy hell...and fans of Tennessee had the nerve to question Saban when he hired Kiffin.
  • 1-26 versus ranked teams over the last 5 seasons. Wat
  • Von Pearson, AJ Johnson, Michael Williams, a plunger, Riyahd Jones, Marlin Lane...what do all of these things have in common?
  • In the end, it all comes out to 6 losses, 2 moral victories, and another year of "Wait until next year."
-YTC

:laughing: I completely forgot that they hired Mike DeBord as their OC. :laughing: Let me give you his playcalls: 1st down - zone left, 2nd down - zone right, 3rd down - deep pass.
 

whiteyc_77

The Skeleton Debator
Mod Alumni
giphy.gif


Per random.org, the next team to review is the #16 Arizona State Sun Devils. Back to back 10 win seasons, and 16 returning starters? Nah, dey still blow. Let's go beyond the Britney Spears headset of Corch Graham to figure out why ASU will suck.
  • Ended their season with allowing 30+ points in their last 5 games.
  • Despite returning 9 starters on defense, it's the 2 losses that are crucial. The best defensive back and best pass rusher are both gone.
  • That can spell real trouble for this team, as they face last year's #1, 6, 10, 12, 15, 20 and 22 ranked passing offenses.
  • O-line is replacing both tackles, and the projected starting RG is coming off ACL surgery.
  • Jaelen Strong is such a big loss for this team, that they are moving their starting RB (and 1000 yard rusher) over to WR.
  • 90th in the FBS last year in converting 3rd and longs (>7 yards).
  • 110th in 20+ yard plays allowed.
  • As soon as expectations get ratcheted up, it's time for a killer loss. Exhibit A: last year's debacle in Corvallis. With a head corch like Graham, why would anyone expect them to handle expectations or adversity well?
  • Defacto road game against Texas A&M, USC, Oregon, Arizona, road trips to UCLA, Utah and Cal. 7 loseable games, with only 3 guaranteed wins (if I'm being generous) in Cal Poly, New Mexico and Colorado.
No, seriously...this is the guy you want to trust with a potential conference champion?

Todd-Graham-really-wants-your-attention.gif


-YTC
 

bruin228

Well-Known Member
NCAA Moderator
Todd Graham is my dad.

The best part about going to Pitt was seeing people wear HIGH OCTANE FOOTBALL shirts the year after he left after one 6-6 season.
 

DeadMan

aka spiker or DeadMong
What I don't get about Todd Graham is that he's supposed to be a defensive guru ... but his defenses have sucked. Or I am missing something?

I think he's a really good coach, though. I wouldn't have minded him at Michigan at all. Maybe he won't get Arizona State to a Pac 12 title, but back to back 10 win seasons there is pretty good.
 

bruin228

Well-Known Member
NCAA Moderator
What I don't get about Todd Graham is that he's supposed to be a defensive guru ... but his defenses have sucked. Or I am missing something?

I think he's a really good coach, though. I wouldn't have minded him at Michigan at all. Maybe he won't get Arizona State to a Pac 12 title, but back to back 10 win seasons there is pretty good.

ASU's defense was good in 2013, they just regressed last year because they lost so much. They'll be good again this year.
 

NavyHog

Well-Known Member
Utopia Moderator
NCAA Moderator
Graham and Malzahn was a helluva coaching tandem at Tulsa.

10 years ago Malzahn was in his last year as the HC at my old high school, Springdale High in Arkansas.
 

Brick

Well-Known Member
I think Graham is a very good CEO type coach. I can see players buying into his shtick. They haven't had a top Pac-12 QB in ages though it seems. I think that is kind of holding them back from winning the types of games whitey mentioned.
 
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