Sometimes I regret giving up footbaw, I know that I really would have enjoyed a day like yesterday. The last time I was REALLY into an Oklahoma State was when I was engaged in never-ending forum debates with OU/TEXAS/Texas Tech fans about whatever 3-way tie happened that year that Okie State got fucked on. The rules as to whether the BEST LOSS or BEST WIN was a more valuable tie breaker were a shifting target and Okie State was never going to win that battle, lol. I remember using the phrase A PRIORI a lot because I was proud of being self smarted. Very occasionally it was all worth it, and yesterday would have been one of them days.
My last legitimately good college footbaw memory was the 2012 Fiesta Bowl between Oklahoma State and Stanford. I was watching with my family and several spontaneous events occurred that created the funniest shared belief/superstition moments I've ever been part of. My cousin bought some Stoli Vodka for making secret holiday drinks because you have to be loaded to hang out with my Oklahoma family and/or watch Oklahoma State in a big game. Things started bad for OSU going down 14-0 and my cousin said something like "AT LEAST WE HAVE MOTHER RUSSIA!" and we snuck into the kitchen and he poured shots for me and him. I don't take shots, but... when in Atoka... Suddenly Oklahoma State scores in like two plays. Hmmm, that's curious timing. So a few minutes later we sneak back into the kitchen. "For mother Russia?" Another TD on the ensuing drive. 14-14, interesting. It's important to note that these weren't really "shots" because there aren't any shot glasses at meemaw's house. We're just pouring glugs of vodka into our Yeti tumblers. The Yeti tumblers were the best possible Christmas gift because we all have plausible deniability for what is in our cups.
As the night went on the game was going back and forth and it became clear that these vodka shots were the only thing keeping OSU in the game. What really convinced us was when I said "look man, I'm going to need to do a half shot on the next one" and then Oklahoma State only scored a field goal on the next drive. Somewhere during the third quarter when things started to look bad again, my brother-in-law and cousin-in-law notice this sneaking into the kitchen maneuver We honestly haven't done a great job of inviting these guys into the family, but in this case one of them is an OSU grad so it made sense that he would join as a comrade! More shots were poured and Oklahoma State pulled even at 31-31. It's important to remember that we'd already spent an entire day with family, so we'd all been raiding grandma's pantry for the secret stash of Jim Beam that never seems to run dry. That bottle is like Jesus' miracle with loaves and fishes. So we're all starting to get pretty rowdy at this point and my dad, uncle and Grandpa are like "ya'll need to settle down." Being drunk at family gatherings is unacceptable if you're expressing joy at the same time, in this family you're supposed to sit in sullen silence before you go get a DUI at 9am.
Then Oklahoma State goes down with only 4 minutes left and it became clear that the only way we would see victory is to convince my dad, uncle, and Grandpa to join the comrades. My Grandpa was a deacon in the Baptist church and allegedly hadn't had a single sip since 1952 when he prayed to God that he'd get sober so he wouldn't fuck things up with my meemaw. My dad allegedly hadn't had a sip since 1989 because of health issues and medical interactions. I say allegedly in both cases, because I notice a lot of trips to meemaw's pantry with their new Yeti Tumblers! My uncle joined us for the final drive, the comrades openly slamming shots in the living room. That was enough to make believers of my dad and Grandpa and they each downed a half shot before the game winning field goal. We all screamed "FOR MOTHER RUSSIA!!!" and the kick went in.