No bullshit, had a chance encounter with
@Travis7401. I was waiting in line at a portajohn and this tall fellow rolled up and gave me a kind of a head nod, just as like a "I've gotta piss too" solidarity type of thing. Seemed familiar but couldn't put my finger on it at first. It clicked with me about a minute later, and the worlds theory came to mind. I thought about just not acknowledging him for that reason alone, but considering the crazy coincidence, I couldn't ignore him. So like an insane person I tapped him on the arm and said something like "This is gonna be really weird, but Travis right?". He said yeah and I pointed to me and said "Wuf". He had no fucking clue what I was talking about, I imagine he had his fair share of beers. I named dropped Utopia and it clicked. Proceeded to have a shitty, awkward mini conversation, where I ham-fisted some piss poor monkey jokes to try and break the ice.
Travis seems like a nice dude, he invited me to his tailgate group for beers, told me to 'look for the Colorado Rapids flag", which amused me because I have no idea what that looks like, I WATCH REAL FOOTBAWR. I thought his voice would be a lot deeper, like Mongo or something, while I'm sure my monotone stoner voice along with my dirty sneakers with jeans look was just as he imagined. The portajohn is where it ended though, I come to Foco for family purposes for the most part and the thought of unleashing my family on someone I know from the Internet (none of them know anything about Utopia, I don't talk about it in real life to anybody) just didn't seem feasible.
My version is hilarious because I completely misunderstood the initial interaction/ head nod and thought my Trumpkin fever dream was gettin reel. Then I had literally zero context when you started talking with me, so I never connected it with Utopia at all. I've honestly never been so confused.
Starting with the backround, I have to be the DD at the end of the night, so the strategy here is I have someone else drive to the game and I get drunk early (starting before we leave) and then stop drinking at 7pm... I had a few beers and then take a piss by the cars in the dark, but a friend of ours sees me and starts giving me shit because it isn't fair that guys can just piss wherever they want while girls can't. I call bullshit, because girls CAN piss wherever they want as well, provided they are dedicated enough! Anyway, I feel bad so the next time I have to piss I walk over to a porta potty for the first time in my tailgating career. I get there and there is a line of about 10 people. FUCK.
So I see this guy walk up to the line and he gets there about 3 steps in front of me, I nod at him to acknowledge the fact that he's arrived first and he can take the spot in line in front of me. For some reason he doesn't make a move to get in line in front of me... if anything he's moving like further back away from me/the line. Thinking he's just a passive beta male intimidated by me, I take a step back to once again try to show I'm not being aggressive about his rightful spot in line. This strange dance leaves us a solid 8 feet back from the next people in line. We're so far back that the next person comes up and asks "is this the line." I respond "yep, this is the line" and he looks at us kinda funny because it is so odd we're leaving this gap... I can't figure out what the fuck is wrong with this dude, and he kinda keeps looking at me, so I'm legitimately starting to get weirded out. Is this a Trumpkin? Are its base troglodyte instincts allowing it to sense how much I loathe its kind? I'm a little drunk, so this seems the most plausible explanation. I want to lower its trog defenses, so I get my phone out to post on Utopia to pass the time while I hope it will eventually stop looking at me and move forward so that I'm not standing in the middle of the fucking road anymore.
Right as I get my phone out, he approaches. Oh Christ, he really is a Trumpkin, my fever dream is coming true! Now this is where things get even more complicated because I'm wearing this ridiculous monster hat (don't ask, I'll post a pic) with ear flaps, so I can't really hear what he's saying (and I've got terrible hearing to start with). He walks up and says something like "Bluahadlk Trump blkjasdfj, ur Travis right?" I say "Yes, I'm Travis.." He points to hisself and says "WOOF!" What in the fuck does that mean? I stand there completely befuddled not knowing what to say because this Trumpkin is making dog noises. He then repeats hisself even louder "WOOF!" Wat in the fuck is going on? My fever dream has taken a truly odd turn! I figure I must have misheard him or something, so I roll up my ear flaps and say "WAT?" "WOOF!"
Finally he says "From Utopia" and it hits me like a balloon smash to the face... he's saying "WUF" not "WOOF." I laugh and praise baby Jesus that it wasn't really a Trumpkin, but at that point we'd had a sufficiently awkward start to the conversation that it wasn't going to recover. The man behind us decides that there isn't enough awkward shit happening in this 5 ft radius, so he moves up and asks the lady in front of us if she'd like him to hold her coat while she goes to the rest room. She says "no thanks" and he responds "I'm not gonna pick pocket you!" She proceeds to professionally walk that line between dismissive of him and friendly enough to not hurt his feelings, then she goes to the bathroom and he says "well she's hot." Wuf and I just kinda stand there and nod at him. Finally attempt a hail marry and invite wuf to the Tailgate party near the Colorado Rapids flag, and he laughs at me, "Colorado Rapids, that's a good one!"
Just like that it was his turn for the pisser and I never again saw the wild wuf, most elusive Utopian this side of
@ZackMills.
Here is the monster hat... I can't believe wuf recognized me in the dark, wearing a monster hat.